The Tao of Italy will teach you the art of “wu wei” or “effortless action.”
It can be a hard lesson. Old habits die hard. At least this has been my experience. I can be pretty “testardo” (hard-headed) when things aren’t going My way or in MY timing. That’s why I’m a prime candidate for leaning into Taoism and trusting wu wei—and letting go.
Many of you already living in Italy can relate. There seem to be very few straight or expeditious paths to tackling essential tasks necessary for setting up life here. Consider things like getting a driver’s license, getting a permesso di soggiorno, buying a car, national healthcare…the list goes on. Rarely are any of these things easy. Add to that some rather significant regional differences in procedures and implementation and you get the picture. If you come from a country where similar things are more streamlined it’s easy to find feeling frustrated and outraged.
That’s not all. Throw in a monkey wrench call the pandemic. The majority of people who’ve believed that they enjoyed even a small measure of control of outcomes have found themselves struggling at new levels.
The Tao of Italy will teach you the art of “wu wei” or “effortless action.”
It can be a hard lesson. Old habits die hard. At least this has been my experience. I can be pretty “testardo” (hard-headed) when things aren’t going My way or in MY timing. That’s why I’m a prime candidate for leaning into Taoism and trusting wu wei—and letting go.
Many of you already living in Italy can relate. There seem to be very few straight or expeditious paths to tackling essential tasks necessary for setting up life here. Consider things like getting a driver’s license, getting a permesso di soggiorno, buying a car, national healthcare…the list goes on. Rarely are any of these things easy. Add to that some rather significant regional differences in procedures and implementation and you get the picture. If you come from a country where similar things are more streamlined it’s easy to find yourself feeling frustrated and outraged.
That’s not all. Throw in a monkey wrench call the pandemic. The majority of people who’ve believed that they enjoyed even a small measure of control of outcomes have found themselves struggling at new levels.
The tendency to manhandle outcomes won’t work in Italy.
“Hi. My name is Jed and I’m a control addict.” The Tao of Italy is molding me into a recovering addict in this regard. Rejoice if you are one of those rare people who step into a step of flow (and grace) with ease. Maybe you have a career of helping the rest of us!
My tendency is to dig in and employ every resource at my disposal to force things to bend to my desired outcomes. My first three years of living in Italy are prime examples of this kind of behavior. Relaxing my “grip” instead of banging my head again the wall in futility seemed so counterintuitive, if not impossible. Face it, many of us with American conditioning just keep hammering away (and often complaining to whoever will listen).
Why do many expats pack up and go home?
Perhaps they’ve glossed over this tougher aspects of making Italy their home. Maybe they haven’t fully digested that Italy is a different country with different laws and bureaucracy.
Intestinal fortitude is a must if you want to live here. So is practicing what I call The Tao of Italy—or living the Serenity Prayer and letting go. Loosening up your grip on things may allow the universe to work more freely on your behalf. It just might not manifest exactly how you envisioned it.
My new best friend.
That’s Lao Tzu’s ancient text, The Tao Te Ching.
As I read Lao Tzu’s writings and let them wash over me, I’m struck by the message of pliability and the paradox of actionless action. One of its most famous passages is about how the Tao (or the great force that pervades and infuses everything) encourages us to be like water:
“Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.”
Fluid, soft, and yielding…
Yes, the Tao of Italy has been teaching me the importance of these things. And being a man who harkens to rich metaphors, I can work with water. I can pause, close my eyes, and imagine myself as water moving around a bureaucratic delay or hurdle, or a long queue at the post office. Personal history has taught me that I’m at my best when I relax versus feeling that tightening in my jaw and chest as I prepare for battle.
The Tao of Italy isn’t about being lazy or giving up.
This is where the art of the middle way comes into play. A mentor of mine once advised me, “Show up, do your best, and be unattached to the outcome.” I guess the spirit of the Tao was beckoning me long ago!
Constant vigilance is exhausting. That’s why I’m all for doing what I can and then taking a good dose of letting go and seeing where the river takes me. So, indeed, Italy is a great teacher. I’m certain that frustrating junctures will never be in short supply. But I already see a different Jed from the Jed that arrived in Italy almost nine years ago. Better late than never!
In closing, I leave you with this quote:
“Doing nothing can sometimes be the most effective form of action.”
― Kevin Kwan, author of Crazy Rich Asians
If this post has resonated with you I encourage to ready my post A Year of Surrender and Taking a New Path.
Excellent article, Jed. Thank you..
Jennifer T.
Grazie, Jennifer.
Wow this is impactful.
As usual, thank you Jed.
Years ago I went to the reading and book signing of the Tao of Pooh (a charming little intro book to Taoism). The “uncarved block” analogy has stayed with me forever.
I am contemplating doing my citizenship once I move to Italy. I found a company that finds you housing for 3-4 months (right across from the commune in Legnano) and walks you through the entire process. The process in the US takes 2 years to just get the consulate appt and then approx another 1-2 years to get approved and get a passport (baring any document set backs or re-do’s)
Your article gives me great pause though.
What would you advise in lieu of this insightful article?
Hmmmm
(From a fellow testardo Taurus 😁
Kim
Hi Kim, I would keep swimming towards citizenship even though it has become a lengthier process since Salvini changed the outside processing time from two years to four years when he was a minister. I know because I’m three years into the process (by marriage) but I’m hoping it will speed up now that I’m a resident in Imperia. Have you spoken with the team at ItalyMondo.com? Peter Farina (the founder) and his team work both sides of the Atlantic and they’re experts (and lawyers) at expediting the process in any way possible. The key here in Italy for me was the date of submission of my initial application (with copies of documents, the originals are required once they’ve reviewed your application and given the thumbs up to keep moving forward). The four-year clock starts ticking. At the very least, I encourage a free consultation with Peter’s team. They will tell you right away if any issues exist. They will only take on clients who are 100% qualified.
I got a good laugh at your “testarda” comment. Being strong-willed has its advantages as long as we’re not stuck in high gear!
Keep the faith and let the river take you! Jed